wtf???

I'm pretty sure the Earth fell out of orbit today, at least for a hot second. My boss told me he was actually trying to secure me a raise. Like more money. Like actually more money on my paycheck. Like dollars and cents. I almost peed my pants.

I'll explain:

There are generally only two ways to earn a raise at IKEA.

1.) Getting a better job. This is accomplished in one of two ways. Either moving up in the company, or leaving the company. Firings are not uncommon within the Blue Box (a nifty IKEA metaphor I've picked up from a coworker!). To be honest, most people, after being fired, end up in better paying jobs, which makes getting fired not such a bad prospect...hmmm...
However, aside from leaving the company, one could also seek a promotion. The basic hierarchy consists of three positions:
-"Coworker" (IKEA-speak for "entry level employee" aka "peon")
-"Team leader" (or assistant manager)
-"Shopkeeper" (or Manager)
Moving up the ladder, the money gets better, of course. So, short of getting fired, moving up the ladder is the best shot at getting more money.

2.) Typically, the only other way to get more money is through the once-a-year Performance Evaluation. Every October, every coworker is evaluated by his or her Shopkeeper. Based on the evaluation, everyone is eligible for a raise. These raises range from negligible to pitiful, somewhere in the 10 cents to 50 cents-per-hour area. I guess I really wouldn't complain about a 50 cent raise. That really adds up across the hours, but I must admit, I still have a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth after my most recent (and first) evaluation. The evaluation period is specifically designated as September 1st of the last year up the August 31st of the current year. I was hired at IKEA on August 28th, and didn't start working until September, so essentially, within the guidelines of the evaluation, I hadn't worked any days withing the evaluation period. Yet, I was still required to complete an evaluation. Needless to say, I had acquired no skills or knowledge in the time that I was not working at the store, so I received a mediocre evaluation, and consequently, a mediocre raise of 13 cents per hour. Keep in mind, this evaluation was conducted in late October, so by that point, I had actually learned the ropes, and was hoping for a nice chunk of change as a "thank you" for learning everything so quickly. Imagine my disappointment at receiving a pat on the back and an extra $8 per paycheck. Excellent.

Aside from these two options, there really isn't any prescribed method of securing more money, so to be arbitrarily informed that might possibly be getting a raise, without even asking, was pretty unorthodox. I was actually pleasantly surprised at the unexpected display of generosity from the otherwise stoic and constitutional apparatus that is IKEA.

I'll let you know if the raise actually comes through. Stay tuned for the dramatic conclusion.