Questions???

The thing that really kills me about working at IKEA, more than anything else, is having to deal with the constant barrage of stupid questions. I'm sure retail workers in general get a lot of silly questions, but like I said, there's just something about IKEA that voids all sense or logic in the mind of the customer. The sheer stupidity and complete lack of thought that can only be responsible for some of these questions is truly astounding.

I get a whole array of questions, of course, but there are three repeat offenders. I'll describe them in acending order of frustration:

1.) "Excuse me, where can I find (insert product here)?"

I guess I can't really be too hard on the customers for this one. It is, after all, a 400,000 square foot building, so it can be pretty difficult to find some things. Plus, some things are strangely classified, so it helps to know what department to look in. Remember, though, that I work in the bedrooms department, so when a customer asks me where the beds are, I simply have no words. Really? Where are the beds not? You can't possibly be in the bedrooms department without seeing beds.

Somtimes, though, customers just get really flustered and can't see what's right in front of them. I do feel bad for the first time home owners and such who are literally buying their whole house in the store. After 6 hours of writing down Aisles and Bins (if that doesn't make sense to you, I'll explain later) it can become difficult to see what's obvious. These customers are usually so worn down anyway that they're docile enough to deal with. On the other hand, I have the customers who walk in the door, proceed directly to the nearest coworker and say "TELL ME WHERE TO FIND THIS." They're completely unwilling to do anything on their own. They won't look at a store directory, or even think about the logical location for what they're looking for. They just expect some sort of yellow brick road to take them directly there. Please, try to be at least a little bit responsible for yourself.

2.) "Excuse me, how much does this cost?"

You're probably thinking that that's a reasonable question, until you realize that every single item in the store has a very large price tag directly on it. It's one thing if the tag has been ripped off or stolen or defaced (as they often are). In that case, I'm more than happy to assist. But when someone drags me half way across the show room to look at a bed that says "$179" in huge numbers, and asks me how much it costs, I start to lose my cool. Even worse, at least once a day someone will approach me with a small item - a clock or a picture frame - holding the price tag up, they ask me how much it costs. I'll attempt to analyze customer logic: "Hmm, this tag says it costs $10, I wonder if it costs $10. I'll show that brooding salesman the $10 price tag and ask him if it costs $10."

3.) "Excuse me, how do I get out of here?"

This is another one that might seem reasonable, but when you're asked at least every three seconds, it gets annoying real fast. I'll lay out some geography first: My department is the next to last (if you walk the correct path through the store). The only thing between me and the exit is the children's department. I'll admit that the path can seem fairly labyrinthine, but there are arrows throughout the floor that point you directly to the exit, and copious directional signs that point you to wherever you might want to go. We even print maps of the store! But, since bedrooms is pretty close to the end of the showroom, by the time customers get to me, they're convinced there's no exit, so they all come crying to me, insisting that I give them detailed directions to the exit.

Generally, it's just a casual "how do I get out of here" to which I reply "just stay on the path." I do get asked with varying amounts of hysteria, though. I've had more than one customer approach me crying because they can't find the exit. I'll usually walk them to the exit just becuase they're such hot messes. One woman insisted that there was no exit. I told her to stay on the path, and she assured me that the path had taken her in a circle three times. So I walked with her to the next department where there is a staircase that takes you down to the exit. As we approached the staircase, she started to veer off to the left, which takes you back to the beginning of the showroom. I asked her "Where are you going?"

She replied, "I'm trying to find the exit."

I said, "try heading downstairs."

She responds "why would I do that?"

I paused, then as politely as possible, I said "Well, the large arrow on the floor points directly down the stairs, as well as the giant sign reading 'EXIT,' so you might give it a whirl."

She was not amused.

Then, as if that wasn't just the pinnacle of ignorance, I discovered a man who must literally be a walking temple of stupidity. The staircase between the showroom and the marketplace (where the exit is) is in two parts, separated by a small landing in between floors. It's large enough for a few bins of products, but all in all about 40 square feet. While I was heading down the stairs, I was stopped by a customer on the landing. He looked me right in the eye and demanded that I tell him how to get downstairs. I laughed becuase I figured it must be a joke. He looked offended and asked me what I was laughing at. I said very slowly "Sir, you are literally standing between floors right now. You walked down ten steps to get here. There are ten more steps directly in front of you. They will take you downstairs." He didn't find it at all funny.

Moral of the story: think before you ask.